Well, today I was thinking about the meaning of life like most people do at some point in their lives. I had some good thoughts in the shower about it, but this isn't the shower, so my argument clearly won't be as thought out or make as much sense as it did when there was steam, constant water, and good smelling soaps surrounding me. For some reason, like most people, I do my best thinking in the shower. I've had a margarita in hopes that alcohol will help me recreate this experience, but bear with me.
In my Victorian Literature class, we read a poem called "The Lady of Shalott" written by Alfred Tennyson in the 1800's. It was Tennyson's hope to recreate stories about King Arthur and his knights that Tom Malory wrote about in the romantic period of England. Anyway, the poem is about a young woman who looks into a mirror that reflects what is happening through the window in her room. As she looks in the mirror, she sees many men walking to Camelot and many activities that she is missing. She lives on an island that overlooks Camelot. As she looks in the mirror, she weaves what she sees on this "magic web." The Lady of Shalott is cursed never to look out her mirror and see the world outside directly.
One day, she is sitting with her back to the window weaving when suddenly Sir Lancelot himself comes strolling in on his horse outside her window. He's singing, his armour is made of glittering reds, blues, and yellows. He is basically a loud, beautiful interruption. The Lady of Shalott sees him in the mirror and suddenly rebels against her curse and looks out the window at him. She gets to the body of water that separates her from Camelot and sings and sings so loudly even the villagers in Camelot can hear her. She's in a white dress, making a fuss, but on her way down, she dies. The knights of Camelot find her and they're scared. They fear the death of this woman is an omen, but Lancelot just simply looks at her and muses that she was a pretty girl, what a pity. And then asks God to have mercy on her.
So this story stuck a chord deep inside me. Yes, it's a really sad poem. Probably pitiful. But it's an interesting way to look at life. Many artists depict a cross in The Lady of Shalott's room, and at first I was critical that this has anything to do with religion, but, silly me, religion is in almost everything in literature and if it's not then you can force it. I don't think this one is such a stretch, however.
Thinking about her curse, I first thought, It's not a curse like many others. It seems that she has a choice. And the choice is so difficult because the only thing separating her from peace and chaos is a window that she could just turn around and see. Then came my "A-HA!" moment. This kind of "curse" has been used before in Christianity's creation story. For those who don't know, God told his newly created humans that they can eat from any tree in the garden in this perfect life he made for them with no sin. The catch was that they couldn't eat from ONE tree out of many. It was purely a choice. The devil tempted them and their longing for eternal knowledge doomed them and they ate from the tree anyway. Suddenly they realized they were naked and that what they had before was perfect and they felt ashamed for the first time in their boring, perfect lives. God punished them with promises of death and other horrible things. And promising to send them a savior one day.
(I'm going to start calling The Lady of Shalott "Lady" for short.) Lady had the perfect set up. No sin or bad things would ever happen to her as long as she didn't look out the window. In those days, women lived in their father's home until they moved on to their husband's home, so the person who put her in this room for eternity was probably good ol' Pops. The window is the tree Adam and Eve were not to eat from, in the sense that she can live a perfectly happy life as long as she doesn't look out the window, or eat the apple. She sees Lancelot, or the devil, in the mirror and she wants more. She lusts for him, wants to know more about him, she wants what she can't have, so she disobeys her father just like Adam and Eve disobeyed theirs. She dies in her white dress, and with it, her purity dies too. The curse promised death, just as the Father did.
All of that is well and good, but here's the "So what?" of this story. I look at this story and I don't see Lady dying, I see her finally living. Sitting with her back the window as she weaves and looks in the mirror and does as she's told is no kind of life. In my own experience, blindly following religion and going to church as I'm told has done nothing for me. I know the stories, the morals, and the lessons, but that's what they are. Lady longed for knowledge and rebelled just as I have. I want to know more about other religions and ways of life. I want to know about what's on the other side of the window and how to achieve it, even if it means I'll die trying.
The thing is, good things can't be as good without something bad happening. Adam and Eve would still be living in their perfect garden living ignorantly is sweet, boring bliss if it wasn't for that apple. Think about that. Every day is the same--no one makes errors or mistakes. No one tries to take the road less traveled because they're content. After the fall and only then could they appreciate how lucky and great that garden really was. Before, they had no idea how amazing their set up was. They'd be fools not to yearn for it after they were kicked out. There is no happiness without sadness or sadness without happiness. It's only after you make a mistake that you see how to do something perfectly.
If Lady had never looked out the window, she would have lived only a shadow of her life. If I had stayed in my religious faith that I grew up in, I would have lived only a shadow of my life. She took a leap and jumped in that barge, and you know what? She was singing! I bet she never once sang when she sitting in her room watching the world pass her by, isolated from the people and the activities. Just as I never felt right about sitting in church on Sundays while outside those walls are things like science, theories based off evidence, sexual freedom, people making mistakes to make them stronger and smarter, and people laughing and smiling, and appreciating their lives because they know it's not perfect, but they want it to be. They have something to work toward, and that's what I want in my life. To err is human. I want to be human again, just like Lady did in her last moments.
