My professor last year in my Psychology class for children with exceptionalities taught me lessons I could apply to my life, not just things I could apply to my major. One of the things she taught me was the difference between being intelligent and being smart. She said, "Being intelligent is waking up every morning with a fifth of vodka and smoking a joint or two then walking to class, not having studied or shown up to all the classes or even opened the book, and taking the final exam and getting 100%. That's intelligence. Being smart is setting aside a couple of hours after school to study for the upcoming test that's in two weeks. It's making flashcards. It's buying other books to help you with the subject. It's making appointments with your teachers to ask questions about the material. You don't have to initially know all of the material before walking into class to be smart. You have to work your ass off and study any way that helps you get an A and absorb the material. That's being smart."
In high school, I was just intelligent. I never tried. Putting in effort to do the homework seemed monotonous and dull. Even pointless. I'd test well or do just enough work to get by. I'd wake up early to write a paper just minutes before my classes. Or I would finish it during class. When I started at Washtenaw, I put in a little more effort, but only because my parents were helping paying for it. Working only one part-time job with no extracurriculars made me bored. When I sit at home with nothing to do, I never think to myself that doing homework would be a good idea. When I sit at home with nothing to do, sitting at home sounds like a good idea. That's when I got a second job. At my retail job, I started working 35-39 hours a week, plus I took a couple more classes and still worked at the hair salon. Suddenly I had to do my homework when I was sitting at home. It was a rare time. The two hours I had to myself went to schoolwork.
Keeping busy is one way I gained motivation, but I still just float by doing the minimum to get an A- or B+. Average. One thing I hate about myself is that I'm mediocre at things. But, in my defense, it's a lot of things. I'm okay at playing the piano, I'm okay at driving, I'm okay at video games, I'm okay at math, I'm okay in science, I'm okay in social studies, I'm okay at reading, I'm okay graphic design--I'm okay at being okay. That's not okay! I want to have a passion toward something, I want to be great! Exceptional even! I know I'm great at communication and customer service, and writing. It's high time I light the fire under my butt and aim for the sky.
I say this every semester. "This semester, I'm going to finish my homework the day it's given out and study weeks in advance for tests." That never really happens. I make excuses and put it all off then just slide by. Not this time. I'm starting at Eastern this year and turning a new leaf. No more lying to myself. This is make it or break it time. I've been thinking about entering the honors program and forcing myself into motivation. I'm going to start looking into the study abroad programs and basically, I'm going to finally take initiative. No more slacking. I took two days off my work schedule and I'm going that will give me the perfect balance between work, school, and rest. I plan on getting in a routine so my sleep pattern isn't off. Eastern gave me a planner, it's like they knew! Watch out world! A new English teacher is in town, kicking ass and taking names. :)
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
The Thing About Beauty
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."
...Bullshit.
It certainly is not. Beauty comes from within. Some aspects of beauty are not seen with an eye at all. Beauty is courage. It's the courage to be bold, to be different, to be insightful, to be poised, to be charming, to be creative, to be graceful, to be empathetic, to be clever. It's something not everyone can pull off. I do think everyone has beauty in them. Whether in their looks or in their heart, but the trouble is that most are afraid to tap into it and spill it out for everyone to see.
Beauty is something that isn't black and white, even though the media would have you believe so. It's grey and up for interpretation, but the truly, it's how you interpret yourself. I've seen girls with burlap sacks for clothing shine above other people by their actions and good spirit. Heck, women who cover themselves from head to toe in black wraps showing only their eyes can be gorgeous by the things they say and the smiles in their only their eyes. It's not about the perfect beach body or looking great in anything you try on, although that can be part of it. Beauty becomes a part of your personality at one point after you utilize it on a daily basis.
In elementary school, I was bullied verbally every day. I was called a "big blue blob" and other nasty things. Children are mean when they have little to no self esteem at a young age. In return, I always believed I was the ugly duckling. I remember going to the library and checking out "The Ugly Duckling" from the library on my own. When I got to the last page, I just sobbed. It was me but I hadn't grown into the swan yet. Girls stepped on my self esteem and choked it until it died. It wasn't until I reached public schools in 7th grade that I started to realize I was prettier than I thought. My friends thought my big earrings and make up was pretty and complimented me. It surged my broken self esteem with a new power and brought it back to life. Suddenly, I was popular in the sense that people really didn't seem to mind me.
When I started dating Kyle, I was told every day that I was beautiful. Of course I didn't believe him at first and thought maybe he's partially blind or something. My new college friends started to tell me I'm beautiful. My family tells me I'm beautiful. But the best thing in the world is that strangers at my work tell me I'm beautiful. I asked myself why. I'm the same person, but why is everyone just now starting to tell me? You know why? It's because you have to rock it. You own it, baby. No matter what you wear, no matter what you're feeling, you rise above and you have to believe you are beautiful. It's amazing how others will start agreeing.
It's a mind set, it really is. Confidence gives off vibes to other people (I know there are chemicals that are released, too, that people are attracted to when you are confident) and they accept you and believe you. Beauty is doing everything you do from the heart and not letting petty things get in the way of that.
So, readers, be bold, be confident, be courageous. It's your turn to smack some beauty on the table in front of you and own it!
...Bullshit.
It certainly is not. Beauty comes from within. Some aspects of beauty are not seen with an eye at all. Beauty is courage. It's the courage to be bold, to be different, to be insightful, to be poised, to be charming, to be creative, to be graceful, to be empathetic, to be clever. It's something not everyone can pull off. I do think everyone has beauty in them. Whether in their looks or in their heart, but the trouble is that most are afraid to tap into it and spill it out for everyone to see.
Beauty is something that isn't black and white, even though the media would have you believe so. It's grey and up for interpretation, but the truly, it's how you interpret yourself. I've seen girls with burlap sacks for clothing shine above other people by their actions and good spirit. Heck, women who cover themselves from head to toe in black wraps showing only their eyes can be gorgeous by the things they say and the smiles in their only their eyes. It's not about the perfect beach body or looking great in anything you try on, although that can be part of it. Beauty becomes a part of your personality at one point after you utilize it on a daily basis.
In elementary school, I was bullied verbally every day. I was called a "big blue blob" and other nasty things. Children are mean when they have little to no self esteem at a young age. In return, I always believed I was the ugly duckling. I remember going to the library and checking out "The Ugly Duckling" from the library on my own. When I got to the last page, I just sobbed. It was me but I hadn't grown into the swan yet. Girls stepped on my self esteem and choked it until it died. It wasn't until I reached public schools in 7th grade that I started to realize I was prettier than I thought. My friends thought my big earrings and make up was pretty and complimented me. It surged my broken self esteem with a new power and brought it back to life. Suddenly, I was popular in the sense that people really didn't seem to mind me.
When I started dating Kyle, I was told every day that I was beautiful. Of course I didn't believe him at first and thought maybe he's partially blind or something. My new college friends started to tell me I'm beautiful. My family tells me I'm beautiful. But the best thing in the world is that strangers at my work tell me I'm beautiful. I asked myself why. I'm the same person, but why is everyone just now starting to tell me? You know why? It's because you have to rock it. You own it, baby. No matter what you wear, no matter what you're feeling, you rise above and you have to believe you are beautiful. It's amazing how others will start agreeing.
It's a mind set, it really is. Confidence gives off vibes to other people (I know there are chemicals that are released, too, that people are attracted to when you are confident) and they accept you and believe you. Beauty is doing everything you do from the heart and not letting petty things get in the way of that.
So, readers, be bold, be confident, be courageous. It's your turn to smack some beauty on the table in front of you and own it!
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Nadia
A wonderful girl who taught me a lot about life left my job to spend time with her daughter. She's worked retail for four years, something I don't ever think I could do. The funny thing is that she was the best at it. Every customer would leave her register laughing. Not just smiling, laughing. Everyone she worked with had more compliments for her than Marilyn Monroe ever received.
English isn't her first language. Nadia is from Pakistan, and came to the United States in 2005. She's happily married with a beautiful 5 year-old daughter. When I first met her, I thought she was my age, but she told me it's in her mother's genes. She took an extended vacation while I knew her to India, I believe. I can't speak for everyone, but I missed her charm and wittiness the entire time she was gone.
Speaking to coworkers, I know that she didn't just affect my life. It was all of us. They all had great things to say about her, some only working with her for a few weeks. My favorite thing was teaching her American idioms and sayings. "You go, girl. Rock it! S.O.S! That's a nice rack. Let the cat out of the bag. Spill the beans." She taught me some words from her language, too.
I found out the night she left that she writes poetry! Not only that, but as I read samples of it, I realized she's very talented. It put me to shame because I've spoken English my entire life and I can't even write poetry.
When I met her, she didn't wear a headscarf like women in her family and religion do, but when she got back from her vacation she did. Everyone in our store kept staring at her or not noticing it was her. As a generalization, whether true or false, a lot of women wearing headscarves like to bargain down prices or beg for coupons at our store and it drives us crazy. There are negative connotations to wearing the headscarf whether you agree or disagree, they are there. So instead of being ignorant, I just plainly asked her about it. She told me it's an option, not mandatory. She feels more comfortable in it and that it just feels right. It's about not letting possessions and beauty cloud your inner beauty. It's also a sign of respect and that one should wear a headscarf when in the presence of a potential partner or elder. I asked her if she would ever wear a fancier, bejewelled one like the ones I see other women wearing but she told me they're expensive and pretty much defeat the point. I'm glad I asked her. I used to think it was demeaning, but she doesn't have to even wear it if she didn't want to.
Nadia will be sorely missed at our store. She made me laugh every day we worked together. She's genuinely curious about life and people and traditions. She loves hearing about my life just as I love hearing about hers. Our conversations were always fruitful and she will always have a place in my heart. Thank you for teaching me what a pure, honest person is like, Nadia. Keep in touch, always. :)
English isn't her first language. Nadia is from Pakistan, and came to the United States in 2005. She's happily married with a beautiful 5 year-old daughter. When I first met her, I thought she was my age, but she told me it's in her mother's genes. She took an extended vacation while I knew her to India, I believe. I can't speak for everyone, but I missed her charm and wittiness the entire time she was gone.
Speaking to coworkers, I know that she didn't just affect my life. It was all of us. They all had great things to say about her, some only working with her for a few weeks. My favorite thing was teaching her American idioms and sayings. "You go, girl. Rock it! S.O.S! That's a nice rack. Let the cat out of the bag. Spill the beans." She taught me some words from her language, too.
I found out the night she left that she writes poetry! Not only that, but as I read samples of it, I realized she's very talented. It put me to shame because I've spoken English my entire life and I can't even write poetry.
When I met her, she didn't wear a headscarf like women in her family and religion do, but when she got back from her vacation she did. Everyone in our store kept staring at her or not noticing it was her. As a generalization, whether true or false, a lot of women wearing headscarves like to bargain down prices or beg for coupons at our store and it drives us crazy. There are negative connotations to wearing the headscarf whether you agree or disagree, they are there. So instead of being ignorant, I just plainly asked her about it. She told me it's an option, not mandatory. She feels more comfortable in it and that it just feels right. It's about not letting possessions and beauty cloud your inner beauty. It's also a sign of respect and that one should wear a headscarf when in the presence of a potential partner or elder. I asked her if she would ever wear a fancier, bejewelled one like the ones I see other women wearing but she told me they're expensive and pretty much defeat the point. I'm glad I asked her. I used to think it was demeaning, but she doesn't have to even wear it if she didn't want to.
Nadia will be sorely missed at our store. She made me laugh every day we worked together. She's genuinely curious about life and people and traditions. She loves hearing about my life just as I love hearing about hers. Our conversations were always fruitful and she will always have a place in my heart. Thank you for teaching me what a pure, honest person is like, Nadia. Keep in touch, always. :)
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